For everyone that doesn’t know, last month I attended The Wrld on GCW at the Hammerstein Ballroom in NY (read more here). Well it was at the show that I fell head over heels in love with GCW, so this past weekend my girlfriend and I made the trek to Atlantic City for more.
Let me start this off by saying, I don’t think life will ever get better than this past weekend.
Well all know how I get when I go to a wrestling show. Tears are shed and I yell “best night ever” for at least three weeks after. But these GCW shows are on a completely different level.
The energy at the Showboat was insane. Being as it was my first time there, I wasn’t sure how it would feel being surrounded by fans who never miss a New Jersey show… but two steps into that hotel event room and I’d never been more at home anywhere else.
I’ve spent the past twelve hours and will spend the whole drive home trying to come up with ways to describe it, and I can’t say anything other than crazy, insane, and oddly enough… comforting?
BRO I DON’T EVEN KNOW.
My intense love for GCW came on so fast and so strong I don’t know what to do with it. I don’t know what to say about it either, but somehow I felt the need to write about this anyway.
Fuck, let’s just make this a love letter I guess.
It’s kind of no secret that I have a lot of mental struggles and more often than not find myself dreaming of not being here anymore. So to find something that can take all of that away, and can remind me that life can have good feelings is kind of rare.
Not to be dramatic, but that’s what GCW is to me.
I’m going to these shows and falling in love with this company in the middle of all these bad feelings and home problems, so it really is that escape. It’s that escape I haven’t had in years.
That sounds so silly it really does, but it’s such a substantive feeling to me.
That feeling when I’m in the building, in the middle of the sea of fans who are just as happy to be there… The atmosphere. The way the talent cares so much about building something bigger than all of us… The feeling when Nick fucking Gage is in the ring and chants of “you’ve got us” break out. When Joey Janela’s wrestling three matches in two days, and all the other talent I’m starting to familiarize myself with is showing out every time, and everyone in the damn hotel is happy... And the death-matches! Oh my god, the death-matches. It’s all those moments and all those feelings and I was so genuinely happy. I didn’t have to worry about anything, didn’t have to feel anything other than the environment around me. I got to let go. There’s pictures my girlfriend took of me during the shows and I don’t even recognize myself. But I know it’s me in the photos because my face still hurts from the shit-eating grin that didn’t leave my face the entire time.
I hit a lull about a year ago, and the girl who didn’t miss a single wrestling show suddenly couldn’t name any matches on a PPV card. It took GCW at the Hammerstein to pull me back in. And this weekend in Atlantic City, in the Showboat Hotel, I remembered why I used to love wrestling so much. I remembered why I used to sit and dream of being a wrestling broadcaster. And you know what? I think I’d like to get back to that. The new dream? Do commentary for GCW. Now I’m a nerd and obsessed again and it’s all Brett Lauderdale’s fault. My serotonin levels go through the roof when I think about the shows and the memories. How embarrassing, really.
But it’s not embarrassing actually. I left that show Saturday like I was invincible. It was a natural high. Nothing could hurt me, no one could get to me. Nothing else mattered. There was no sadness, no fear of myself or anything because I got to wake up and do it again today. But I just walked out of the Showboat for the last time this weekend. I’m going to have to go home. The anxiety of going back to regular life is about to set in, but I know if I close my eyes I’ll be right back at the Showboat. Right back at the Hammerstein even.
If you’re reading this, you’re probably a wrestling fan so you probably get what I’m saying here. But I’m so grateful for GCW and all it’s given me so far. And for Brett Lauderdale. And for Nick Gage and every other wrestler on the cards this weekend and going forward. My problems aren’t solved, the days will still be nearly impossible to get through. But on April 30 and May 1, GCW’s coming back to the Showboat, and I’ve already picked up extra shifts to buy tickets. And if I had the money I’d be buying tickets for LA and Atlanta and Dallas. But alas, I’ll sit here for the next two months clinging to these Showboat feelings and making all the plans for the next shows.
I’ve found my own happy slice of life and I’m gonna hold onto it with all I have.
