Hello everyone!!! This piece is a collection of a couple of college essays I wrote that didn’t make the cut. I’ve been stressing and writing for months and even though these aren’t going on my applications, I didn’t want to throw the words away. A couple of these are personal, you’ll learn some things about me, but I think that makes for some pretty good writing. *The one entitled, “I Shouldn’t Be Alive” has mentions of suicide. Please be advised*
You Don’t Have to Come Back Home (but you can if you want).
I’m a city girl. Any city, I don’t care as long as there’s tall buildings and lights. I have my favorites to visit of course, I would do absolutely anything for New York and Chicago, but there’s something about literally every big city that just fills me up with something special. I’m a Pittsburgh girl through and through, though. In fact, the city of Pittsburgh is the only thing that makes me come home after a trip to a different place. The Strip District in itself is absolutely incomparable to any other place in the world. Every time I visit a new city, I arrive bright-eyed and busy-tailed saying “I’m never leaving.” I always, in fact, end up leaving. But why? I’ve dreamed about leaving for as long as I can remember. I’m eighteen now, finishing up school, entering my senior year. I can finally go. But as I’m researching colleges and different cities I find a huge pit in my stomach appears at the thought of leaving Pittsburgh. It’s home. It’s filled with all the bad memories, the death of my dad, the mental breakdowns. But I guess even moving to Seattle can’t get me away from those things. I can go wherever I want, I can be whoever I want to be. I can go see cities I’ve only dreamed about…… and I couldn’t stay there. But I can come home, too. Home to my city, and my favorite local places. Back to my somewhat childhood home with my pets and the memories written on the walls. It’s a big world filled with change and new experiences. I could leave and not look back…… but Pittsburgh, PA will always be here waiting for me.
I Shouldn’t Be Alive
I brought it upon myself. That’s something I never told anybody. I think they knew, though. You see I was a frequent flyer in the doctors office for kidney infections. It started with one here and there and quickly progressed and became a common occurrence in my life. My last one was around Christmas 2021. I did what I always did, stopped what I was doing and went to get the tests and antibiotics. Except I was at a very low point in my life. I am a mental illness suffer. Bipolar depression, anxiety, you know.. the works. So I got this kidney infection and I simply decided to not take the medication. As you can imagine that didn’t go over very well. I had been in that suicidal state for months and it seemed so easy to me at the time. I, of course, landed myself back in the hospital. It was different than my previous attempts. It was more serious. I felt different… I felt.. bad. I’ve lived to tell the tale, obviously, but not without losing a kidney along the way. It’s been four months since I got it removed, seven since that Christmas. I still feel bad looking back on it. There’s so many sick people struggling…. People who’s illnesses weren’t self-imposed. I can’t say that I haven’t had a suicidal thought since then, but I have made a single attempt at my life. As cruel as it was I needed that to grow up. I lost the battle, I haven’t lost the war.
I Watch Professional Wrestling.
My first introduction to wrestling was two years after my dad died. Those two years were filled with moves, heartache, and running away from everything. We had been in our new house for a few months. My mom put on a pay-per-view. I was in the room and she told me over and over I didn’t have to watch it with her. But we had lost so much, and even at ten years old I knew I didn’t want to leave her alone. So I sat and I watched…. Professional wrestling. The rest is history basically. Something I watched just to keep my mom company turned into my favorite thing. Every show I watched in the few years that followed felt like Christmas. I didn’t realize it at the time, but it was such a big escape. It became something my whole family watched, something to take our minds off of everything. As I grew up and got busier and started high school I fell out of it. I wasn’t watching regularly like I used to, but I mostly kept up with the news and results. Within the last two year, wrestling came back to me. I’d say “I came back to wrestling,” but that just wasn’t the case. Wrestling came back to me. It’s still one of the things that make me the happiest. It’s still one of the things that allows me to escape for a few hours. I started watching wrestling to keep my mom company. Somewhere along those eight years it became something more. It gave me my dreams and my favorite memories. It gave me unforgettable trips and smiles too big to fit my face. It’s not just professional wrestling. It’s life, it’s a presence. It’s my thing. It’s something I wouldn’t be complete without.
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